I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
