you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
3 2 1 whiskey
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
