i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
