i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
