I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
