why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
