So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
