I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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