Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
