So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
