You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
