How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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