Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
