I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just tell him i said nine months
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
