it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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