Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
