She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
