I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
