i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
