Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
