so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
