Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
