Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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