i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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