I intend to get homeless drunk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
