And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
40s are totally the cure
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
