Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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