Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
