belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
