I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
