Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
