I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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