Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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