I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I FOUND THE LEGS
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
