I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
