theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
