I wish I could teleport
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
