Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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