I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
