actually, I'm a sock model
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
