I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
