So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
