Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
