Plan B is the new Plan A
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
