plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
