3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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