yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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