so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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