So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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