Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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