You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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